Week 9 – And… CUT.

We were originally told that the final week of this journey was sort of a “party week”. All the hard work (dialogue and studying) was over, and this week we’d just coast thru. Well, I think I speak for everyone when I say it was one of our hardest weeks, if not the hardest. At this point, it all seems like a big blur of classes, lectures, postures, Bikram, late nights and the Mahabarhat. I don’t think I could tell you what happened all week, and in what order. I just know that we had a slew of very, very late nights, with absolutely no reprieve. I think it really affected everyone, since we had such high expectations for the week. We all thought that we’d have some free time to spend with each other. But the free time we did have (at least for me) consisted of 20 minute naps and trying to snap out of the funk of sleep deprivation.

Throughout the week, we ended up going thru each of the postures in the series with Bikram, where he dissected what we might see with beginners, what the benefits are, and how we can personally improve. Unfortunately, by the time we got to the Cobra series, I could simply no longer process any information. I feel a little bit jipped by the week, I have to be honest. Actually, at the time, I was ok with everything. I knew that it was almost over, and quite frankly, I could handle anything they were going to throw at me. Walking out of the lecture hall at 5:30 in the morning, with the sun coming up was not going to steal my peace. But the more I think about the week in general, the more I feel like I was robbed of some good knowledge. I am trusting that there are reasons for the week ending the way it did, and maybe it will be clear to me eventually, in the future. But right now, not so much.

I don’t want to end this on a sour note whatsoever. I mean come on! It was WEEK NINE! This was it! The grand finale. Spirits were up throughout the days, and there was such a buzz of energy between all 320 of us. We could taste the bitter-sweet end to this long journey of self. I felt excited and anxious and happy and sad to know that this chapter in my life was coming to an end. Excited to get HOME. Be home. See my amazing husband. Be in my living room. Anxious to get back to reality. Anxious to see how much I may have changed, while everything at home has stayed the same. Happy to get back to my studio and TEACH. Happy to wrap my arms around Tim, see my family and friends, and to spend a couple of weeks digesting what I’ve just been through. And sad to know that I am never going to be with my fellow trainees (now teachers!) again. I am going to miss the wonderful friends that I have made. But am so thrilled to have made them. What an amazing thing to know that I now can travel anywhere in the world and have a home to go to. It is quite settling to know that I will be welcomed with open arms into people’s homes and hearts. This Bikram family is such an amazing community of people and I feel so blessed to be a part of it.

I am currently about 40 minutes from landing in Boston. I will be home. I feel like I was just packing and crying and saying the hardest good bye of my life. I realize now that I was saying hello to this new life. I don’t know exactly what it will bring. I just feel like I can now do anything.

I can do anything.

And I’ll do it with a smiling, happy face.