A beginner all over again

My first advanced class was quite an experience. I went to the West Roxbury studio because Diane Ducharme was holding a coaching session for anyone who is going to compete in the New England Regionals. She suggested that I take the beginners class first so that I would be warmed up enough to get into some of the advanced postures. The first class was amazing. Really hard, really juicy, and one of those mind-over-matter classes that when you are done, you feel like you really accomplished something.

I’m sitting in the studio after class with some fellow teachers, sweating my ass off for a good half hour, trying to regain some semblance of normalcy, and realize that *shit* I have to take another class!! Whoa. A few grapes, some coconut water, a liter of Smart Water, some internal positive reinforcement, and I’m good to go.

The Advanced class starts. It starts with the same breathing exercise as in the beginner class, Pranayama Breathing - only, like, 168 times faster. After 4 breaths, I’m totally lost. I catch back on again toward the end. Just in time for the breathing to be over. Super. Next we do these salutes to the sun gods or moon goddesses or both, I’m not sure. Ummm… ok??!?! Can someone please slow down and let me catch up?!?! By now, I’m back to being completely doused in sweat, and we haven’t really even begun!

This is pretty much how the class went. Every so often I’d be in sync with everyone, but more often than not, I’m looking around, just trying to see what it is I’m supposed to be doing, or looking at other people completely dumbfounded. A few times, I would think ‘I will never be able to do that’. Only to remember my first few months practicing Bikram yoga, and realizing that YES, with practice, yes, I will be able do that. It has given me a whole new appreciation for the new students that come into class. We were all there once. But after you’ve been practicing for a while, it is easy to forget what it is like. As a teacher, getting those looks that say, “Am I doing this right?” or “What the hell am I supposed to do?” is always hard. I just want to say “Listen to my words; I’m telling you exactly what to do!” But when you are new to something, you don’t hear even half of what you are being told. In the advanced class, I was laughing at myself even doing the postures that I knew incorrectly! Sensation overload! Systems crashing!!

It was so wonderful to get that new student/beginner perspective again. I mean, I felt like I had never practiced yoga before in my life!! Lucky for me, I can easily laugh at myself. I certainly wasn’t getting frustrated at all, just amused at how clumsy I must have looked. There was a point in class, where I was doing a posture called Frog Pose (I think). You sit on the floor with your legs spread wide, then kind of get your arms under your legs and you sort of are flattened to the floor. I was much better at it than I thought I would be until... Uh oh. I’m stuck. Really stuck!!! Someone call an ambulance, my legs are strapped over my shoulders!!! Oh man, I laughed and laughed. (I almost dislocated my shoulder, but dammit, I’ll laugh while doing it!!)

It was so much fun to see the possibilities before me. I was completely humbled watching all of these amazing bodies go into such strong postures. Knowing now that our bodies (and minds) are pliable and can be trained to do things you never thought possible, I have new goals, new aspirations, new ambitions. I have a renewed sense of where I can go. All these fresh aches and pains have made me feel so alive, and so sure that there is so much more in me that I haven’t even seen yet.

I’ve only just touched the surface.