Riding the wave

Happy New Year, everybody! As I look back at 2009, I smile. It was one of my best years ever. And as I look to 2010, I get giddy with anticipation of the wonderful things to come. I know it is going to be a beautiful year. As the winds of change start picking up, I will write all about it.

I awoke on the first day of 2010 (with a slight hangover) with the strong intention to practice. But once that time actually came, I was easily swayed to go out to breakfast with some friends. The second day of 2010, I set my alarm to go to 8am class, then re-set it to go to 10am class, then turned off the alarm and decided I would go to the 4pm class. And as 3:00 rolled along, my husband and I got a call from our best friends to meet them for lunch. Day 2 of 2010 did not include yoga. I had a brief moment of guilt, and another moment of disappointment. All these people with their New Year’s resolutions have started their year Gung-Ho! And I have started mine spending time with friends. Wait a minute… that doesn’t sound so bad after all!

Sometimes it is hard to fit it all in. Practicing, teaching, working, preparing my meals, spending time at home with Tim, and finding time for friends and family ends up being a balancing act. I WANT to do them all. In fact, I NEED to do them all. The time spent building relationships is what keeps me sane. The hard work that my husband and I do everyday – its reward is our down time with each other. Being able to do what we want to do with the people that we love. Spending all day in our jammies on a snowy Saturday is what we have earned, right? So why do these feelings of guilt and disappointment creep in when I take a day or two off of yoga? I’m not sure I have a definite answer. I know how amazing I feel when I practice. It energizes my day, revitalizes my being, even changes the way I feel. I love the every day challenge. I love that every day, something different happens to me in that room. The transformation my body and mind has made over the past 4 years is possibly the answer. But why guilt? Should I feel guilty for wanting to sleep in with my husband? Should I feel disappointment that I decided to hang out with my friends instead of practice? I know I shouldn’t. I don’t always feel this way. I think the combination of a couple of things exemplified these feelings.

The first thing being “the start to the new year”. I think everyone goes into a brand new year thinking, “Ok, this is going to be the year.” We go in strong and determined. Start strong, end strong, right? The second thing: Knowing that all sorts of yogis around the world have started the Bikram 101 Challenge. They’ve started with such amazing willpower, strength and determination. (Bikram 101 started on January 1^st around the globe. 101 classes in 101 days.) And I had breakfast. And slept in. And ate lunch. Instead.

What is funny is that I originally said to myself that I am not going to “commit” to Bikram 101. I know my work schedule gets crazy mid-winter, where it is difficult to get to class. I also have a week long vacation to Mexico in February. So committing to the challenge of 101 classes in 101 days is pretty daunting. But you know, I was going to give it an effort. And just this morning, on my bleary-eyed drive to work after a wonderfully long, relaxing weekend, I realized that it’s not too late. (Wait a minute... I think I've heard that somewhere.) Yes, I missed Day 1 and Day 2 of this huge challenge. I started my 2010 with a thud not a bang. But 2 days is easy to make up. In fact, I am going to a weekend-long yoga-fest in the Birkshires with Rajashree in a couple weekends, where I am going to be taking 2 classes a day no matter what. There you go! Those classes are already made up!

This funny little wave of silly emotions is now over. I still have not officially committed myself to the challenge, but I’m starting with 30 in January, since my home studio is once again doing a New Years 30-day challenge. And I am really excited to see what happens after that. No more guilt. No more disappointment. The good old, valiant, “Danielle effort” is all I know. No choice.