All the right reasons

I took my favorite (and first) teacher, Linda's class tonight at 5:30. It was such a doozy for me. I was struggling with my breath and my stamina, and had one of those insanely mentally challenging classes. I have a love/hate relationship with those classes. I try so hard to push thru that mental challenge. You know, the “Oh my god, it’s too hot, my heart is racing, I want to DIE” kind of class. Lately, I would say that 95% of the time, I can push through. Today was one of those days. I pushed through. I struggled. I did it. The feeling after those classes, after the 15 minutes of trying to put words together to make actual sentences, is amazing. Is that why we push so hard? For the aftermath blissful feeling? For the internal sense of accomplishment? For what?

In one of the savasanas, Linda said, “I was having one of those classes the other day where I just didn’t want to be there. But there were two brand new students behind me. So I fought through. Sometimes you practice for yourself. Sometimes you practice for others.” I found that so appropriate. And so true. I thought to myself, who am I fighting for here? One of my best friends, Michele, was right beside me struggling just as much as I was. I was pushing myself to help her, too. I knew if I hit the mat, she probably would have felt like she could have also. I did it for Linda. I don’t get to take her class very often, and damn if I am going to sit out when I get 100% of her energy, knowledge and love in class!! And yes, I did it for me. Because I know I am strong. I know that sometimes it is all in my head. I KNOW I can do anything.

Sometimes I lay it all out on the table for someone else. And sometimes it is just for me. I think they are equally important. And when we can realize that our own beings can lift others… well, now that is yoga.