Weeding the Garden

I figured something out a couple of weekends ago. Weeding is much easier after a heavy rain. Unfortunately, two weeks ago was the first time all year that I have done it. It was mid-June, where we have had an onset of really lovely warm weather this year, followed by some great rain showers… so as you can imagine, our front yard landscaping has turned into a jungle. It is overwhelming. I have tackled about a quarter of it in 2 and a half hours on a Saturday, then another 2 hours on Sunday. Then this past weekend, another 3 hours. Really and great, big mess.

Where am I going with this? Well, I got to thinking, as I was pulling out milk weeds that have grown up to my shoulders – weeding is a lot like the dialogue: If you don’t stick with it on a regular basis, it becomes an enormous undertaking to get it back on track. And just like weeds overtaking our landscaping, if we, as teachers, begin to let these little weeds into our teaching without nipping them in the bud right away, suddenly we are up to our ears spewing all kinds of nonsense that just grows bigger and bigger, and by the time we realize we need to get back on track, we are so far away from the words on the page, we don’t even know how it got so out of hand. (wow… hello, run-on sentence!) But if we stick with the dialogue, even go back to it every week to make sure that there aren’t any weeds creeping in to what we are saying, then our classes will be strong and our students will grow with precision.

I think we have all been in classes where we are listening to the teacher and thinking to ourselves, “Huh? What are they saying??” (Or maybe it is just teachers that do that? I don’t know… I know I did it as a student, too.) These are perhaps teachers that have been teaching for years and years and years. Maybe they are the teachers that went to training when there wasn’t even a “dialogue”. There are so many reasons that people stray away. And once they do, it is overwhelming to attempt to go back. Going back is like looking at a football field full of ragweeds and thinking you have to pull them out by hand one by one. The only way to attempt this massive undertaking is to go square foot by square foot. Or in the case of teaching, posture by posture, sequence by sequence. We can’t expect to peruse thru our entire dialogue in one night and think that it is all going to fix itself that easily. But everyday, if we walk thru our garden and pull out any nagging little weeds, our landscaping will remain pristine, clean and beautiful. And as teachers, if we continue to get feedback from other teachers and work on the understanding and delivery of our dialogue day by day, our students will be the same: pristine, clean, beautiful.

And we all Levitate

First of all, I have to just say that I am absolutely loving this new life of mine. Teaching full time is a dream job. I’m not actually sure I can even call it a job. It is A-freaking-MA-ZING. But more about that later…

This morning, I taught the 6am class. In the Auburn studio, students tend to roll in pretty early to class. I got there really early – like 5:15 and started with some chores. 5:30am hits, and the first student walks in. Then there was a continuous flow of students until 6 o’clock on the nose. 20 students in the 6am class! This I unbelievable! I’ve had large 6am classes, but this was over and above anything I’ve seen. I mean really – just think of the power of this yoga. To wake that many people up, as the birds are chirping their good morning songs, and into the Bikram Yoga Torture Chamber is pretty powerful stuff.

And what an incredible class it was. Get that many people together that early to start their day, and something pretty cool happens. I watched these simultaneous triangle poses – all four sides – SO STRONG. I couldn’t help but exclaim, “WOW!” I felt such an enormous surge of energy charging at me… like nothing I have felt before while teaching. The intense feeling has been coursing thru my veins all day, like adrenaline barreling me thru life with nothing to hold me back.

I’ve been thinking about that class all day today. I mean, when I walked in, there was literally a buzz of happy, smiling faces. A buzz of students that perhaps felt like they were “in the know”. A charge that I swear you could see! Some of the students that I’ve never seen before at 6am, must’ve been thinking, “I can’t believe how many people come to yoga this early!” And the rest of the regulars that are there for the early classes seemed to have all shown up on the same day. They must have been thinking, “Yes! More people means more energy!” And me? I literally walk into the room saying, “What are you all doing here? This is AWESOME!” And start giggling with giddy excitement for the class ahead of me.

All that I know right now is that I have seen before me the power you can ride off of with collective energy. Can you imagine if the entire state of Massachusetts woke up early to come to yoga class on any given day? The entire country? The world?? I’m having a hard time finding the words. I just know that that energy could cure cancer, create world peace, and quite possibly, make us all levitate.

Cleaning up the clutter

Have you ever looked around yourself and been overwhelmed with all the “stuff” in your life? It’s not just physical, tangible things that I am talking about here. How much “extra baggage” to we carry around in our day-to-day lives? All the things we do in life, because perhaps we feel like we should, like we are obligated, like if we don’t do it, someone is going to get hurt or feel bad or not like us. Why? All the mental clutter that crowds our minds: “Is my job safe?” or “Are we going to be ok?” or “Why aren’t I good enough?”

As I embark in the next phase of my life, I feel so much like I really have to “clean house”. Yes, definitely in the literal sense, but even more than that. With everything I have been doing for the past year (full-time job, practicing, teaching, softball, cooking, friends, family, LIFE!), I feel like this transition is a way for me to really clean up shop. I look around our home and can see all this STUFF. It is so easy to accumulate a lot over the course of a few years… bills piled up high, notebooks full of to-do lists and half-baked ideas, empty boxes from new appliances that you can’t quite throw away just in case. I can’t help but think that if I clean up all the STUFF, I am going to gain more focus, more clarity, more spirit of self. If we are crowded by things that have no purpose in our lives, why do we continue to hold on to them? I can probably go thru boxes and closets and find things I didn’t even know or remember I had. What use is this? Will my life be any less fulfilling or happy without these things?

I’ve been thinking that moving on from my job is another way that I am removing that which does not serve me. My job turned in to something I no longer LOVE. There are still the parts that get my adrenaline going, but the majority of my days were spent thinking about what I REALLY want to be doing. And what is really cool is that after making that final decision to move forward with teaching on a full-time basis, I found out that I am still going to be able to continue doing some design, getting the best of both of my worlds. Only this time, it’s in my own control. I’m cleaning up the daily ho-hum and refocusing myself on where I am meant to be. Is it scary? Well, hell yeah. But the knowledge and certainty I feel is astounding. I mean, shit, if I can take ALL of my energy and focus it on yoga, there is no telling what I can accomplish. There is so much I can give. It's my karma yoga to give it. And not only that, there is so much more for me to learn.

So as I mop up all the muddle, I dream of this ongoing journey of life. Where things come and go, and paths are undefined and clear. Where the jumble jams the pathway, only to see that goal in the far away distance, refocus my sights, clean the clutter in the way, and continue on the straight road, while filling myself up with the beauty of the scenery on the way.

A change gonna do me good

I have an announcement that I can finally share with the world. (Err… well, at least my few readers!) I am quitting my job to become a full time yoga teacher! There! I said it!!! It’s out there. I’ve been thinking about it since the first day I taught my first class. I may have even been thinking about it since I took my first class, but who knows?

I’ve said since the very beginning that I was going to give my job a full year, to see if I could get back into the swing of things. That was always my intention. I don’t think I knew how much this teaching thing would take over my being. But it has. And so now, exactly 3 days from the anniversary of me leaving for Teacher Training in California, I can finally say with conviction that this is what I want to do.

I am ready for change. I’ve been working as a graphic designer in the crazy trade show industry for 10 years. And the last 5 years, I’ve been the director of graphic design for a company that has gone from 4 people to about 70 people in those 5 years. I’ve grown as a designer, I’ve grown as a manager, and I’ve grown as a woman. Lucky for me, it is the type of company that inspires personal growth. When I broached the subject of me leaving for 9 weeks to pursue the goal of becoming a certified Bikram yoga instructor, I was not met with “you want to do what??” I was met with, “Ok… let’s figure out how to make this work.” Not to say that I wouldn’t have done it anyways. Who really knows? But everything I’ve been able to do, I’ve been able to do with confidence because of the people who surround me every day with support.

This change is huge. Hey – might as well go big or go home, right? The high-stress, deadline-driven, madness that was my job will soon be replaced with teaching yoga, something I don’t even consider a “job”. My hours will be cut in half (as will my salary... yikes!). Right now, I am teaching 2 – 4 classes per week, working my full-time job, and practicing on a daily basis. As you can imagine – there’s not much extra time in my life for quality time with my husband, friends and family. So I’m really looking forward to having more time. Time for me. Time for Tim. Just time.

It’s funny how life flips upside-down on us sometimes. I was so career driven only 4 short years ago. So much so that my life was controlled by it. I wanted the big job, wanted the nice clothes, the “stuff” that was supposed to make me happy. I thrived on the fast-pace stress that consumed my days. And now, my priorities have done a 180. My happiness is most important. For me to say that I want to make us a nice home – you never would have heard that come out of my mouth, until now. This evolution of Self often surprises me. I think, “Who is this, and what have you done with Danielle?” But this is me. It’s who I have become. I’m ready to s-l-o-w d-o-w-n. Ready for a new pace. Ready to evolve as a teacher. Only teaching a few classes a week, I feel like I really haven’t been able to develop myself as a teacher. I’m ready to see what is in store for me.

This new life of mine is going to be different. Exactly one week after I graduated from college, I began working. The 8:00 – 5:00 job is all I know. I am now going to be teaching 2 – 3 classes a day, at 4 different studios around Massachusetts… all various times of the day! I’ll be somewhere different every day. I’ll be working with different students every day. I am ready to dive in. Head first. With no swimmies.

Damn. That feels good!

Fresh Pot!!

I have an addiction.

To coffee.

It’s been 11 months since it started. Late nights at teacher training is when this addiction began. And it hasn’t stopped since. There is something to be said about juicing yourself up with coffee then going to teach a hyped-up, caffine-induced, energetic-can’t-stop-talking-yoga-class.

I love the taste. I love when it is piping hot. I love it so much that I went and bought a really nifty little (well…not really little) Thermos that keeps your coffee hot for 12 hours! You heard right – 12 HOURS. Sweet Jesus.

And so now, I sit here at work, with yet another shot poured from my nifty little Thermos, realizing that yes, I AM addicted to coffee. Perhaps when life calms down a little, I will be able to ween myself off a little. Just maybe.

After 2 months of not posting, this is my post. I’m looking forward to a time when I can come back more steadily to this blog…. Soon my friends. Soon.

And speaking of caffine – you MUST watch this!

The quest to learn how to let it go

Sometimes disappointment comes in many forms. We often disappoint ourselves, whether it is in our jobs, our relationships, or in our yoga. Fortunately, the feeling of disappointment in yoga only lasts for brief moments. The feeling of, “Oh, I am having such a bad class” or, “my bow pose will never improve.” Lucky for us, the next day, there is a new class. A new you. The slate is wiped clean. It doesn’t matter what we did yesterday. All that matters is the here and the now.

So why does the feeling of disappointment grip so much longer and tighter in real life? When these feelings take a hold, why are they so hard to let go? I speak so loudly of the wonderful effects that yoga has on my life, and how it is a perfect correlation of so many amazing things in my life. But when it comes to feelings of sadness, hurt, disappointment, embarassment… why can’t I wipe it away as easily as a “bad class”?

I guess the only difference is that yoga is only about me. It is me, and my body, and my reflection in the mirror. How do I turn that solidarity within myself in the hot room into solidarity outside of the hot room? How do I keep my heart strings in check, with the knowledge that my peace has been stolen?

“If anybody steals your peace, YOU are the loser!”

How do we “let it go” like a bad class?

When feelings are involved, how can we NOT be affected?

Guest Post on Bikram 101

Check out my guest post on Bikram 101!!